Saturday, 1 February 2014

Animals on Drugs - first bloggins of the year

Hello friends,

Pinch, punch, first of the month, and no returns!

We have reached the end of the no-blog-a-day-a-thon that I had been doing the whole of January. I did a better job of it then last years blog-a-day-a-thon, as every single day the lack of a blog was a complete success and at no point did I feel rushed to complete them.

It's a good thing I took the time to not blog, as 2014 has come flying out the gate like a pigmy racehorse that's been sampling the pony amphetamine sugarcubes. No sooner had the "unlucky for some" 2013 been placed neatly in the memory box before the catnip was out of the bag.

Alright! Get a room!
I am a week away from moving home, so that's been a big focus for the last few weeks, gotta box up stuff, sort out stuff, eat some lunch, sort out more stuff, think about things we might need, listen to my Beauty tell me about things we might need, colour schemes, dining themes, gasolines and shaving creams (the main shaving cream discussion was rather short, since I am bearded and not a customer of the foamy razor assistant). The move will be over soon, and the next phase can begin, kind of like a gerbil returning to society after extensive rehab to get over it's crippling addiction to industrial floor cleaning products.

I also had some holiday action, a lovely visit to Amsterdam to celebrate Mr Donny Stax's birthings. It was great to return to my spiritual home, I miss it so. I can't really tell you anything about the trip, as I was sworn to secrecy by the Monkey Kings of Old. I don't know if you've heard of the Monkey Kings of Old (probably not), but they were originally a justice league of super Monkeys that had accidentally been bred in a lab while testing out the effects of Rubbing morphine (a product that never really took off). The leader of the MKofO was Roger the Gibbon, due to his extra large brain he was capable of going on munchie missions for the other monkeys, this quickly made him the most popular and therefor best suited to lead the league. For years they protected the planet with their super Monkey powers, even being offered the chance to star in a Hollywood film about their exploits, but alas it all went wrong, in the great Banana shortage. Without their main source of fuel, the super Monkeys quickly reverted to their original monkey selfs. Only a handful survived with any of their superness in tact. Roger lead the surviving super Monkeys to the promised land of Amsterdam, where they built a secret science lab under a canal. I pinky swore with Roger that I would never tell another soul about my meeting him or where he hides out, and I will take that information with me to the grave.

I fear that Roger may have poisoned me though, as on our return from the promised land I fell sick. It was time to change up the drugs, I needed the strong human drugs, painkillers, tissues and warm lemony drinks. The period of illness was followed by a period of hard working at work type stuff, Horray!

Well I made it, the first month of the year is done, eventful and enjoyable if a little sicky. I was just wondering, when they test for drugs at horse races, do they test the horse and the jockey with the same equipment? Is it the same doctor that makes sure the horse isn't buzzing it's tits off as the jockey doctor? Is it a doctor at all? Do they use drug experts who can spot signs of use? Sort of like sniffer dogs but using eyes, like seeing dogs? Oh god, so many questions, I need answers!

Expect big things to happen in the next few months, I sure as hell will be bringing some big guns to the table (I found them in the attic while preparing to move), big musical guns, full of cake.

Oh yeah, and don't buy drugs from shifty looking cows in bushes, bad idea people, bad idea.

Peace and infinite love
Andy Jackson

P.S - 'Otherwise' video has over 17,000 views, thanks for all the support you lovely lovely people :)